Land of 10,000 Lashes

Kevin Harmse “exchanges pleasantries” with former teammate Pablo Campos. Photo courtesy of San Antonio Scorpions FC.
While recently perusing the Howler Magazine site, I came across this satirical piece on Sting, the mascot of NASL club San Antonio Scorpions FC, and it raised in me a few suspicions. I like, nay, love Howler, but this particular contributor, Wes Burdine, points what looks to me to be a very contrived finger at the south Texas soccer house in such a trying effort that it seems almost personal. So much so that you almost don’t even need him to admit that he’s a Minnesota United FC supporter, though he conveniently does, nor realize that this article was published just ten days before the Scorpions would earn the 2014 league title instead of the authors and others highly favored Loons, but it’s right there. Granted Sting sucks. Even home fans are reluctant to stomach him if only to promote a family-friendly atmosphere. Despite this, even sworn SASFC loyalists like the Crocketteers become incensed enough by his very turd-like being to ritualistically chant “Mis-ter Han-ky!” and clap in true fashion as he takes to the pitch before each match at Toyota Field. That allowed, to shoehorn this simple charm into some deeper meaning to prove a desperately-plucked non-point, like a stubborn child forcing a toy block into a round hole, is just petty. Sure, Texas is a big, fat, red mess, but I think it’s hardly deserving still of such poetic persecution. Although San Antonio enjoys some liberal legroom in the relatively Democrat-dominated south of the state, it’s still at the mercy of the overall conservative control of the gubernatorial government. If Sting is a symptom of Texas’ problems or a symbol of the US’s issues as a whole, what could we glean from the other NASL teams’ mascots(Ottawa Fury FC, Carolina Railhawks, Ft. Lauderdale Strikers)? What about MLS for that matter? Or the Premier League? Europe? Sound like a stretch? I think so too.

In response to: Meet Sting: Soccer’s Most Subversive Mascot

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